My Fears.....in order!

I have to say I haven't ever written my fears down like this before.  However as I think about them, I am reminded about how much God can take those fears and melt them away.  As evidence to His strong grace that has melted my fears, I thought it would be fun to share them all with you...as crazy as they might have been.

1.  My first fear was that we couldn't adopt a child this late in life because we had a plan.  I remember saying to the Lord, "Really?  Now?  Couldn't you have led us to this a few years ago when I kept asking you and waiting for you to show us if you wanted us to adopt?"  ALL of the fear of the future, having money for retirement, etc is ALL GONE!
2.  Next, I was afraid of the amount needed to do this.  $30,000?  Really?  How can you come up with so much money is such a short amount of time?  How do you ask others to join you in giving life, love, and a family to an orphan?  Easy!  God showed us you just do it and then He takes care of the details.  We have been ASTOUNDED as to how and when God has brought in funds.  We are humbled....and we know He will bring in the rest using His people and our hard work.  No worries ;)
3.  Me?  Adopt a little girl?  Didn't I always say, "What would I do with a girl?  I am so used to boys!"  Me?  God, don't you know my issues, my parenting hurdles, etc?  Well, God has gently and lovingly showed me that He trusts me, knows I can do it, and has put plenty of wonderful friends in my life who verify we can.  Two very dear friends said some pretty special things to us making us feel as though everyone but us felt like we could do this....we better get on board and agree we can do this!
4.  "God, I am afraid to travel to Ethiopia.  How will I do this?"  Well, I have good friends who are chomping at the bit wanting to come along.  That was a quick answer to that prayer!
5.  "God, this is SCARY! I don't know that I am strong enough.  This isn't a safe journey to be on emotionally speaking!"  Then a friend who is also adopting handed me the book, Wild Goose Chase which helped me understand that God didn't make us to give us comfortable lives.  We are to follow Him which can seem like a wild goose chase much of the time.  The author reminded me that I don't want to be "safe" and miss out on all of God's plans for us.  I found that so freeing and exhilarating!
6.  "God, are we really hearing this from you?"  I kept wondering if it was just an idea that came into our heads or truly from the Lord.  Then He put a magazine in my hands at a random moment from a random place  and brought me to tears with His loving confirmation.  That and the family devotions we had back in November 2010.  We were reading in Matthew.  It was talking about Joseph and Mary and how when God told them something, they didn't sit around, ask for a sign, wonder, take time to think about whether it was the Lord or not....they went into action!  God then opened the door and guided them.  They KNEW God, knew His voice, and they trusted.  We purposed to do just that from that point on.
7.  "God, I cannot bring home a child with lice or scabies!!!!!!!!!!!"  This fear was one of my last ones to overcome before finally saying yes to adoption.  Funny isn't it?  Within a few days, those fears were melted too.  God is good and has such a wonderful sense of humor....He has to with me as his child!!!
8.  "Did we pick the right agency?"  I was so tempted to go with the quickest, cheapest, and most appealing adoption agency.  I was torn between two or three.  And then I decided to just pray and ask God to put one on Joe's heart.  We both decided we felt as though we should go with All God's Children Intl.  WHAT A BLESSING they have been!  I can't tell you how many times we have been so thankful and God has confirmed we are working with the right agency.

And the one that makes me cry each time I think about it.....

9.  "Lord, what if I don't love her when I see her or get there to pick her up?  I don't love her now.  What will I do?"  This one is my serious witness to what the Lord can do in one's heart if you are willing.  Here I sit tonight full of love, yearning, worry, prayer, and more over my little daughter who I haven't ever met, seen a picture of, heard her name, etc!!!  It is funny to think about how I just kept begging the Lord to let me love her at least when I saw her picture, and God did better than that.  My heart is full of love for her...no matter what!  No matter what she looks like, what her name is, how old she will be, etc.

10.  I had always heard about other moms dreaming about their little ones while waiting.  Well, up until a week ago, I hadn't had any dreams about her.  Then I had one and then a few nights later I had two dreams in a row.  They were wonderful!  I just remember, above all the other details in the dreams, that I loved this little girl with such a HUGE everlasting love that I have complete peace about meeting her and bringing her into our family.  Actually, she already is a part of our family.

So there ya have it.  Those are my top ten fears about this adoption since even before we decided to go through with it.  Some are pretty silly, sad, and CrAzY, but they all lead up to showing just how good, how faithful, how loving, how sovereign, and how tender God is.  This adoption has built our faith and trust like none other :)